Quick Jump To Points:
��� Why Disclaimers?
��� Why Security Software?
��� Why Keyboard Feet?
��� Why Department Policies?
��� Why Microsoft? (in a nutshell)
��� Why Windows?
��� Why UNIX?
��� Why Vanity Sites?
WHY DISCLAIMERS?
"Why do I need a disclaimer?" They protect you so people can't come back at you if something is offensive on your page they dont like!
This way, a college won't be responsible (legally or otherwise) for anything. For example, �
Let's say that Student X puts XX or even XXX material on the web (possibly using the college's
resources).� I would of course view this material but it is against policy of the server. �
Putting up things that should not be up only will force the administration to have
us disable student web pages (which I the all mighty can do, by altering the web server
configuration, I AM WEB MAN!).� I can and will disable your web pages if I dont like them, �
afterall I can remove keyboard feet at will so dont mess with me!�
(*Just a note: I REALLY dont have the power to disable pages but I like to pretend that I do, It makes me feel important!)
WHY SECURITY SOFTWARE?
People have the nerve to ask me,
"Why is there security software on these computers?� It's not like we're a computer god like you?."�
You may not know, but there are certainly a few people out there, both CIS majors and others, who are part of a Right- Wing Conspiracy Group
with the intent on causing destruction (I won't mention names, but you
and I know who you are). It keeps me from having to come to the lab all
the time and fix up a machine that someone screwed up.�
I thought about enabling multiple user profiles , but decided that would take away from my free time of removeing keyboard feet.�
Also, I want to use our disk space toward more constructive purposes, hence, JUST FOR ME!.�
Besides, the security software keeps those damn internatioal hackers out too.�
Of course they'll swear they dont know what a computer is. I AM NOT DUMB! Besides, the harder I make the security
software, the harder it is for people do use the computer. Just to let you all know, in the near future, I plan on removing
the ON BUTTON from all computers. Now that would provide the ultimate security!
WHY KEYBOARD FEET?
Who would remove keyboard feet you ask?... I would!.� Anyone who
complains about this should be stuffed headfirst into a toilet.�
The keyboard feet, contrary to popular belief, do actually serve a purpose
(but I just want to exercise my domination and
ban them for eternity).�
Keyboard feet allow the user to customize the
keyboard height to make it easier to type, hence that is why I removed them! �
People put the feet up on different machines, and when I work on them, I have to adjust the feet on
each machine's and change the keyboard height, or put up with the aggravation of putting
all the feet down.� Could you imagine me having to put forth the effort in switching a
freakin plastic tab on a keyboard??! That would be obsurd! Toilet Bowl worthy too!
This constant aggrevation of moving little plastic keyboard feet elevated my blood pressure.
After losing countless nites of sleep I removed the keyboard feet..ALL OF THEM!�
I took them into the country side and buried them alive! HA HA HA!�
Then people who never even used the feet
at all(Like I am Santa Claus or something, I know who uses keyboard feet and who doesn't?!)
call up to complain to me.�
We don't try to make the student's life harder; I do.� You'd think I'd have better things to do than remove
plastic keyboard feet. Next time we order new computers, I will suggest we take the cheaper models without keyboard
feet. This would same the department some much needed money to pay me more.
WHY DEPARTMENT POLICIES?
If you have a department the you must have department policies. That's just the way the game goes. But what I like to
pretend is that I write the policies! Now that's fun! Let's take a look at some:
��� Students may use the lab outside of hours provided you fill out my
7 page form with 3 professional references and criminal background check. Then I'll THINK about it!
��� 1.� First, if I say you can't use the lab, you can't.
you?� Correct me if I'm missing something on this point. Wait, did I say CORRECT ME?
��� 2.� Obviously if you have a criminal background, you can't use the lab.
��� 3.� This department has very little money, mainly because of me.
40% of my wages are
paid by the state(Tax money at great use!) I currently make about $16,000 per year too much for
removing keyboard feet. For comparison the average keyboard feet technician makes roughly $11,000
��� 4.� Use of this lab is only for supplement
to your classwork. (So even if you're a computer major, TOUGH!) nbsp;
You should prepare you work outside of the lab .� After all, If you can fully compile, debug, and
execute your Visual C++, Assembler, or even Fortran code in your head, YOU SHOULDN'T BE A C.S. MAJOR!
��� 5.� Keeping the lab open late can be dangerous. Since we rank #1 in murder, students lives are
in jeopardy. How could I go on knowing that a student got killed while working on their program due the next day? Well,
I probably could but I KNOW I couldn't go on if one of my babies (i.e. Dell-200) got hurt by that
Right-Wing Conspiracy Group!
��� 6.� I don't want to be "Nazi-Like", I want to be "Clinton Like"...wait, I'm technially an intern! Next point.
��� 7.� It's like this: "Possession is 9/10
of the law".� Now since I OWN all these computers, I'll say how they'll be used.
I think I said way too much about things I don't really have control in or of, what do you think?
WHY MICROSOFT?
I don't like Microsoft. So what do I do...I buy Microsoft and use it. You see we all
bitch about Microsoft but if I had taken the go ahead initiative and made a ton of money, I'd be rich too!
Really, I am just jealous that they made all the money at the right time in the computer industry.
I WANT MY MONEY TOO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
WHY UNIX?
This is simple, because it rhymes with LINUX!
WHY VANITY SITES?
OK, so we're all guilty of this one, except me of course.�
If you can not make a webpage as great as mine, you shouldn't tie up my precious connection and
web space! It's mine. The whole internet is mine! Vanity sites are polluting and clogging up MY INTERNET!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Maybe I'm off track on some points, hell maybe I'm over the hill and through the woods or maybe I'm a little off the track, naaa, hell, I'm over the track and down the cliff but remember what I said at the start of this
document: I am always right!; Basically, if I want to remove keyboard feet, I'll do so. It just irritates me when people
complain about it. If I catch you complaining, BE PREPARED TO BE SHOVED HEAD FIRST INTO A TOILET BOWL!
��Bratt F. Freckels
E-mail: [email protected]
